As a leader, what do you really want?
The most recent meeting Sara* had with her manager became an instructive story. During our coaching conversation, her reflection on the exchange allowed her to make some deeper connections.
Recently she began to understand her core motive: “to be in control”.
She now understands how the core motive drives thinking, behavior, and ultimately performance. When aware of her “need to control” she can choose to be intentional and pro-active.
As she learns to take a deep breath and evaluate her thinking she can release control. Her performance is improving; she has freedom to use her strengths as she gets out of her own way. Every leader can do this.
However, when unaware of her core motive, Sara can be reactionary and unintentional in her behavior. All of us can be. Her drive to control pushes her out of control resulting in unproductive behavior, people conflict, and poor performance.
The story comes from a feedback conversation when her control-oriented manager was frustrated. As her manager tells Sara how disappointed she is the manager moved into out of control behavior.
How do I know? Listen to her emotionally driven words, “It’s a good thing I didn’t come to your office yesterday or I would have walked you out the door right then.”
Note: What if you ask this manager if she was out of control during the meeting? Do you think she would own it or deny it?
As a behaviorial hostage, she may be the only person in the room that doesn’t know how her behavior is hindering her influence.
Why control the impulse to “control”?
In Leaders Release Control – Part One, I wrote about the illusion of control.
An excessive need to control your [people] will lead to living out of control. Control is an illusion. The excessive need to control others lowers performance, yours and that of the people you need to be successful.
Obviously, the last thing you want to do as a leader is hinder performance. Keith Ayers, in Engagement is Not Enough writes about how managers unintentionally increase the disengagement of employees with four obsessions:
- An obsession with financial results
- An obsession with control
- An obsession with avoiding responsibility
- An obsession with logic
He correctly observes the lack of research in support of a control-based approach to leadership and management.
How does a control-oriented leader show up? Consider this summary of Ayers’ insights regarding the behavior of such leaders, they:
- Assume that people cannot be trusted and send that message to their team
- Micro-manage employees, believing that tasks will not be completed to their standards unless they are checking in on their teams
- Assume employees do not really want to work; therefore they need to continue driving them to achieve results
- Believe that, as the manager, they have all the knowledge and experience, and therefore they need to make all the decisions about how to improve performance
Notice how leaders who seek excessive control display out of control behavior, all the while living with the illusion of being in control.
What does that look like?
We return to Sara’s story.
Consider the emotional statement about “firing her on the spot”. Yes, she was out of control. The manager apologized a little later. Apology accepted, but…
How do you think this exchange affects Sara’s engagement as an employee? How would it affect you?
How committed is this emerging leader to an environment where the potential of “one wrong move and you’re out of here” is implied? (By the way, the potential “terminating offense” carries considerable subjectivity and is not a clearly defined expectation.)
Furthermore, how does this behavior create an obstacle to Sara’s ability and willingness to support her manager’s success?
What is the Next Level path?
Leaders who release control demonstrate self-control and gain influence.
What is your goal as a leader control or influence?
Do you want it done “your way” or to achieve the desired outcome?
Do you want a disengaged team member or a passionate contributor to your success?
What are the benefits associated with seeking influence instead of control?
Influence allows support to flow to you instead of trying to take control; it is about collaborating instead of commanding.
- Influence is freedom to deliver positive support of others
- Influence allows you to capture the devotion and allegiance of others
- Influence allows you to achieve your goals with others
- Influence is freedom from trying to prove you are in charge
- Influence allows others to contribute and enjoy success
Why does releasing control improve performance?
Great performance comes from an environment where great people have an opportunity to contribute their unique perspective, talent, and voice to the process, project, or job. You cannot control the process, but you can direct it as you communicate the vision, set clear expectations, and define desired outcomes.
To release control is an act of liberation from a self-imposed burden. Once free, the power to accomplish more is immediate as you tap into the creativity of others and allow collaboration. Trust, improved morale, open communication, employee engagement, and improved performance are your reward.
– Steve Laswell Leaders Release Control – Part 2
How does it happen?
This path requires a change in leadership behavior.
What is the outcome when Sara’s manager exercises self-control, restrains her impulse, and manages her emotions?
What happens when Sara’s development, delivered in an objective style is the focus of the feedback?
How does this support performance improvement?
Leaders who release control demonstrate self-control and gain influence.
Leadership is influence, not control.
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
Thomas Kempis
For personal reflection:
Which approach, control or influence, best describes your style?
- What are the benefits of releasing control?
- What has been your experience with control oriented leaders?
- Who has an influence in your life? How did that happen?
Please add to the discussion by posting your comments below.
*This is not the person’s name, to protect their privacy.
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