Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and no one to thank. – Christina G. Rossetti
By definition, being grateful involves an appreciation for what is received and some form of expression in light of the “gift”.
Living conscious of benefits received supports our ability to live with gratitude.
The word history of “thanks” takes us to the Latin tongere – to know.
The Wonder of Relationships
Think of someone you have a solid relationship with. Can you remember when you first met?
Notice the journey, how little by little you move from being strangers – unfamiliar and unknown – to a deeper connectedness. How does this happen?
Over time; as we come to know their story and who they are the relationship develops.
And what do we know about Story?
- Everyone has a Story
- Every day we add to the Story
- Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story
- There always more to the story
Why so much conflict?
The effectiveness of my coaching requires a foundation of trust leading to authentic openness, this sacred getting to know another person and being known. It takes some time.
When I coach leaders in conflict, I hear two stories. That’s how it is, right?
Conflict threatens our relationships. The natural response to conflict is to fight or run from the person, the situation. Notice how the longer the conflict goes unresolved the less we see the other person or the truth in the Story.
To protect the relationship and stay connected we must seek to understand, to know and see the person. Being thankful supports our relationships in this way; when we know someone and recognize what they bring.
The Grease of Gratitude
At the same time, it is our connection with people creates friction.
Unfulfilled expectations create frustration. What happens with the unmanaged frustration? We revert to ancient behavior which hinders our performance; shrinking our influence.
Whether with a business partner, work associate, family member or friend, relationships provide conflict.
Consider how the following impact your relationships:
- The pace of life
- The demands of work
- Ineffective or limited communication
- Chronic low energy (nearly epidemic)
Gratitude is one of the keys to quality relationships; interestingly, the essence of both great relationships and effective gratitude is our ability to know and see the people.
Conflict tends to distort the truth of who they are and what they contribute AND how I contribute to the situation.
How do we reduce the friction of human connections? By cultivating gratitude for the other person.
A mechanic greases machine gears so they 1) run smoothly or 2) to stop something else from sticking to them.
The grease of gratitude helps our human connections 1) run smoothly and 2) protect them from the damage of such fear-based emotions as anxiety, anger, control, ill-will, resentment, frustration, irritation, and the like.
The Value of Conflict
Conflict naturally pushes us to fight or retreat; however there is a third option: stay and engage. Gratitude creates enough space and grace to do the work of seeking to understand the other person.
To be grateful includes appreciation of others and an expression of the same.
Which of your relationships could use the grease of gratitude?
Please leave a comment below.
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*Christina G. Rossetti (English Poet); 1834-1894 – Source: ThinkExist
Peter Clark says
November 22, 2011 at 10:01 pmWhat a wonderful approach to staying curious about what is going on in the conflict – to build possibilities through connection and gratitude rather than polarizing camps through fear and justification. Thank-you for your great contribution to the field!
Steve Laswell says
December 2, 2011 at 3:17 pmThank you Peter for your observation and encourgement.