Good Grief

I’m not an expert in grief. However, the Story is providing me with life experience.

Grief is sorrow over a loss. The higher the loss, the more profound the sorrow.

Sorrow is a feeling of distress. Sadness is caused by anxiety or pain that is felt when we lose something or someone. Sorrow comes when we’re disappointed because of unfulfilled hopes, expectations, or misfortune.  

Here are my lessons (so far) on good grief.

1. Grief is a natural sorrow over a loss
2. Grief drains your energy; it’s okay to be tired
3. Grief takes time
4. Grief is different for each person
5. Good grief creates space for something new
6. Good grief leads to a better life

Grief is a Journey

You may be aware of “the stages of grief” death-and-dying expert Elizabeth Kubler-Ross describes. Her original study was designed to support the work or process that terminally ill patients seemed to go through. The stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Over time, they became associated with grieving family members.

In his Psychology Today article, “Why the Five Stages of Grief Are Wrong” David B. Feldman offers three valuable lessons to remember. I think valuable, especially when grieving a loss other than a family member.

1. A little denial is natural — it’s how the brain helps us process the reality.

2. Grief can shake our faith — beyond faith in God, confidence in ourselves, others, the future; what now?

3. Grief usually leads to acceptance — it’s essential to replace the negative, “This will never end,” with the truth, “This is normal and won’t last forever.” 

“Grief isn’t a race to the finish line…” Feldman concludes, “it’s a natural, though emotionally difficult part of life, and one that can’t be easily explained by five simple stages.”

As my mentor, Oswald Chambers wrote, “What we call the process, God calls the objective.” 

Creating space to think

In the spirit of The Next Level “Here” to “There” Journey, my desire is to honor and celebrate my brother’s life. As I do, I’ll write a better Story with my life. 

So far, here’s what I’ve experienced on The Journey to Good Grief.

1. I’ve given myself permission to be tired
2. I’m not beating myself up when less productive than I “should” be
3. I’m more grateful for my Faith, my life, Rita and our family, and the people in my Story
4. I’m more committed to taking care of my health … mind, body, soul, and spirit
5. I’m learning to set boundaries and take responsibility for my Story

Here’s three questions for your reflective exercise:

• What loss have you experienced? Job, health, relationship, finance, loved one, opportunity, other.

• How well have you grieved your loss?

• • Still experiencing some denial
  • My faith has been shaken
  • I’m getting my feet back under me
  • I’m different from the loss, but better

• Where do you feel the nudge? Who do you need to connect with? Who do you need to call, text, drop a note to, schedule lunch or coffee with?

Thank you being here for me. 

Here’s to your Journey, living today is the objective,

Steve 

 

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